Summer

So somehow summer has arrived, and my head is spinning.  It seems like the winter into spring was an eternity...a dark, sleepy beautiful, romantic memory.

Alice and I are going to be enjoying a bit of fresh air together for the weekend, heading out of town, then coming right back, and then I am off for a few weeks without her.  It feels strange.  We are both ambivilant and anxiety filled about being apart for so long.  I am feeling guilty for kind of dumping her...or going anywhere without my little sidekick.  Only when she was tiny, and I was newly divorced, did I ever travel without her....It is amazing how close we are.  Freaky close I suppose.  But I don't care.  Wouldn't have it any other way.

On June 13, it was two years since losing my mother.  I was ok that day.  In her honor I listened to some of her favorite songs, sang them actually, and cooked my favorite dinner, just like she would have done.  Spaghetti with cauliflower and oregano and bread crumbs fried in olive oil.  It is really delicious with lots and lots of parmesan cheese.  We never had a close relationship.  As a matter of fact we really never even had much of a relationship at all.  It was one of those sad situations that never got better.  I had a bit of cry that day not so much that I miss her, because we rarely spent time together, and I never got those motherly phone calls that all my friends got, but maybe because I ran out of time.  Because I chased the bus my whole life, and never caught it, but I really feel in my heart that I have made peace with her, on another level.  I am grateful for that.  I love her for the challenges she gave me.  I love her for having been unique.  I love her for giving me life, and for somehow making me a strong woman.

Not really knowing what to pack for this mystery trip, and what I will actually need for a few weeks in europe, I decided to simply take what I absolutely love, regardless of weather or function.  I packed some favorite vintage and Etro chiffon dresses, my favorite Stella McCartney high waisted bellbottom jeans, and some cashmere sweaters, but my brand new Vampire's Wife dress is so beautiful, all my others are uninspiring now.  Truly this dress speaks to me.  It is as if it were custom tailored for my body.  And my mind.  English sizes really throw my ego off, but in the end, who really cares?  Every chiffon, lace, and black dress in my suitcase feels wrong to me now, and I haven't taken it off since I unwrapped this beautiful parcel hours ago.

I left all my clothes in neat tidy piles on Alice's bed, just waiting to throw everything in my case, but I think Mr. Chase made a little nest on everything.  Can you even blame him?  I am traveling to a part of the world I have never been to, and am meeting up with a beloved soul.  Sometimes I just pinch myself these days.

I never travel without a jacket, even in summer, and am a sucker for anything vintage, and military and I love the contrast with feminine fabrics and colors.  

Sure these will be melted into little sculptures on the floor by the time I get back in late July.  It will be nice to escape the heat of the city...